People have been calling, some sending me watt app asking me why I am not saying anything about Late Ronke Shonde, what is my comment. I finally responded yesterday and my responses are; Yes it is good we are all jumping on the bandwagon, angry at the man, empathising with the family, re-posting the pictures, feeling sad about it and even some people are upset that she made the decision to remain. However my question to us is this, what are we to do to ensure it does not happen to another person, male or female?
I am sure by this time next week; society will move on to the next story that is how society operates. My Question to us is this, has her death triggered upsets for us to say that is it, enough I am going to do something about it, I am going to contribute my quota in my small way to reduce Domestic Violence. I will no longer keep quiet about it; I am going to challenge any DV I see or hear around me.
I will continue to say we all know someone or know someone who knows someone who is going through some form of abuse. Remember it does not have to be physical(emotional, finical Sexual Abuse).I ask you, has Late Ronke Shonde death stirred up that decision in you to begin to create awareness in your community? Yes, I refer to her now as LATE because she made that decision to remain in a violence relationship and as a result she is no longer with us, only she knows the reason why she stayed in the marriage.
My worry/sadness to her incident is that I am sure that this is not the first time DV is happening in the home, again who knows.
Neighbours cannot say they have not heard altercations coming from the family home in the past. The nanny who visits daily from morning cannot tell me she has not observed some show signs in the family. I want to recommend that we come out of that culture habit, of “it is none of my business,” “I do not want people to say I broke up her marriage.” I would prefer I get blamed for breaking a marriage than to live with the conscience and regret “ wish I had said something now that person is dead, crippled, blind, scared, etc.”.
Someone asked me, about my thoughts as to the reason why she did not leave the relationship. Was she not strong enough to go away, was she scared of the future of bringing up two children on her own, Job, money, home, etc.?
Was there pressure on her to remain in the marriage, Why did she not tell someone, family, pastor, Imam, friends, neighbours, colleagues, NGO’s even her nanny anyone, why did she not seek help. What do I think could have gone wrong? , what led to her death, what did he use to kill her with, was he attacked first?
We can continue to seek for answers to those questions from now till tomorrow; the bottom line is Late Ronke Shonde is dead; she is no longer here to respond those issues. Whatever account her husband decides to give tomorrow of what led to her death, Ronke is not here to defend herself. She cannot come back to say hold on a second; these are the things you did; this is what happened she is LATE.
Let us think about her children, the distress of waking up and finding their mum in a pool of blood, the fear of being locked in, not able to get out crying to their neighbours. I cannot even begin to imagine even how long they have been awake and crying beside their late mum corpse; they no longer have their mother, the psychological impact. I know a story of a young boy who is currently serving a life sentence for killing his dad. He reported that at the age of 7 years, he witnessed how his dad physically use to beat his mum and how on one occasion, he saw his dad use a hammer to hit his mum. He swore that one day when he is older he will kill his father.He lived his teenage years thinking of one thing and one only and that is to kill his dad. At the age of 19, he smashed his dad head with a hammer.
I looked at the pictures of the supposed happy family on Linda Ikeji’s blog; they painted a picture of a happy family.
I am sure before the DV. Some single girls would look at the family pictures and wish what a perfect family, two beautiful children boy, and girl, everyone is smiling, What is underneath those smiles ?lets us begin to unmask DV”.
My advice is to contribute your small piece to continue to raise awareness, Zero Tolerance to DV, do not keep quiet, act now and save a life